Lurk Tax 👀

Lurk Tax 👀 photo

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Harpytalons

I see you.👀 You see you.👀 And I see that you know that I see you. 👀

It's time to pay the Harpy.

Honestly, if you're gonna be a creeper the least you can do is buy me a fancy latte ☕. The most you can do is pay off my mortgage.

I'll settle for the coffee. And I'll be super ungrateful about it, like you are when you creep on my content. I won't thank you because honestly, you don't even deserve that.

So get that weirdo imagination all fired up for an encounter that frankly, isn't gonna happen ever and f*cking pay me.

Did you want something in return for your money? I don't give a sh*t. You're up in my profile staring at my used underpants. You already got what you came for, weirdo.

Rules:
Pay up and shut up.
Don't talk to me.
Don't message me.
Just don't.
Creep.

10.00 USD

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Humiliation Findom Amateur Disgust Degrading Lurk Tax Lurk Dom Sub Femdom Financial Domination Paypig Loser Voyeur

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Cheap A**hole Tax

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You're a cheap a**hole and now it's time to pay the Harpy. You're a cheapsk*te skinflint miserly a**hole and you know it. Every time someone tells you you're a cheapa**, you drag your pathetic self over here and pay your tax. Every time you try to haggle with one of the fine sellers on this platform trying to make a living, you pay tribute to me. Every time you skip a tip, go to the dollar store, buy something off-brand, use a groupon, f**king steal a sugar packet.... you drag your bogus, scroungy, second-rate self over here and you pay me. You pay me not because you've got something to prove. You're not showing anyone that you aren't cheap. You pay me because deep down in your stingy soul you know you're a covetous, parsimonious, ungrateful, tightfisted a**hat. You should be ashamed. Did you want something in return for your money? Too bad, so sad. You should have spent it on nicer people and nicer stuff when you had the chance. But you didn't because you're a penny-pinching sh*tbag. Rules: Pay up and shut up. Don't talk to me. Don't message me. Just don't. You f*cking cheapsk*te.

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D*ck Rating

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D*ck Rating...

I specialize in Humiliation and Degradation, but I'm also more than capable of crafting you an honest rating or perhaps you'd like praise? My overall style has been noted as coming across a bit satirical, but I mean every word I write. Looking for something unique and different? Check out my special listings for d*ck poems, haikus, naming your d*ck, and more. Delivery for d*ck rates may take up to 4 business days. A lot of thought is put into them. While a quick turn around is nice for some, consider this... I will be thinking about your d*ck that entire time. And there is something is to be said for Antici..... ....pation. Your rating will be sent as a commemorative printable PDF, as well as text in an email. Print and proudly display your rating for all to see. The rules for a "cla**ic" rating: - You may send up to 5 photos of your d*ck - I will craft a thoughtful rating of at least 2 paragraphs on several parameters depending on the style of rating you choose. - 🌈LGBTQIA+ FRIENDLY🌈 Please lmk you/your d*ck's preferred pronouns. If pronouns are unlisted I will a**ume He/Him/His. - This is about your genitalia, not mine. I may or may not include descriptions of what a hypothetical partner may or may not experience with your d*ck, but it will be based mostly on you. You may choose: - Honest: A compliment sandwich. Choose how you want it to end (high note/low note) - Humiliation: A brutal and verbose rating. Please communicate boundaries after purchase. - Praise: Read this and walk away feeling like a first-rate c*cksman. After you receive your rating please know that we're done with the transaction. I do not offer JOI, S*xting, Etc. I do not want to be messaged unless it's for a further paid service.

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Original D*ck Haiku

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In all seriousness, I win cash prizes all the time for my Haikus. I will craft you an original Haiku about your d*ck. You can choose the tone/focus: Funny, Sweet, Praise, Humiliation, Whimsical, Honorable, etc.... Or I can choose for you. Send me up to 3 photos of your d*ck, and a short description of its likes/dislikes and its personality. Your original haiku will be delivered as a decorative Printable PDF file. 🌈LGBTQIA+ FRIENDLY🌈 Please lmk you/your d*ck's preferred pronouns If pronouns are unlisted I will a**ume He/Him/His

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